Pope Benedict surprised everyone on Monday when he announced that he would step down as Pope at a time of year when most Catholics just give up chocolate.

The 85-year-old Pope cited his advanced age as the reason why he’s stepping down. It’s also the reason why he’s starting a new job at Rome’s new Wal-Mart Supercenter.

Pope Benedict said that due to his “advanced age” he can no longer find the strength to carry out his duties. Or remember where he put the keys to the Pope-mobile.

President Obama said during the State of the Union, “It’s not a bigger government we need but a smarter government.” And just like that, Joe Biden was fired.

President Obama announced during the State of the Union that he was forming a new commission to help improve the voting experience in America. Because apparently Nikki Minaj won’t just quit.

The winner of Best in Show at this year’s Westminster Kennel Club Show was an Affenpinscher named Banana Joe, who unfortunately will now be returned to an entitled girl’s purse.

Passengers aboard that Carnival cruise ship endured slow transport, an awful stench, and people using plastic bags for toilets. They call it a nightmare; people who ride Greyhound call it “Tuesdays”.

A new study suggests that taking long, slow walks and standing may do more to improve a person’s health than a short intense workout. “So you’re welcome,” said the DMV.

A new study lists Trenton, New Jersey as the least romantic city in the country. Because it’s just not the same if you tell someone to “do that” to themselves.

According to a new study certain species of birds grow larger beaks when they are trying to mate. Proving that when it comes to sex, even birds will lie to get it.