Well the King of Pop passed away.  Or as they say in some parts of the country, the King of Soda. That wasn't meant to be disrespectful.  It would be, though, if I said the King of Coke, because that title is Whitney Houston's. 

Mysteries continue to surround Michael Jackson's death.  Authorities now say they found pills, a tampered will, and according to the LAPD…OJ's glove. 

Attorneys are trying to figure out what to do with Michael Jackson's will.  Especially that ominous part in which he left everything to Billy Mays. 

Calls are getting louder for South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford to resign.  He said he'll sleep on it, probably with someone who's not his wife.

Bernie Madoff was sentenced to 150 years in prison.  Hopefully when he drops the soap in the shower, he'll get the same treatment he gave his clients. 

Mississippi was deemed the fattest state in the union.  Officials there said if exercise were any less popular, it would be a gay black atheist.

The president of Honduras was overthrown in a military coup.  Barack Obama was quick to criticize the act when he said, "Don't get any ideas, Cheney."

In a recent poll, most Pakistanis agreed that the Taliban is a threat to the country.  To be fair, though, pollsters phrased the question as "Do you think the Taliban is a threat to Pakistan and holy crap, are you sweating your balls off too?"

Award-winning actor Karl Malden passed away.  He actually died last week but we're just now hearing about it because his name isn't Michael Jackson. 

The number of recent celebrity deaths is perplexing.  One thing's for sure…the Grim Reaper apparently wants a better ranking in that Six Degrees to Kevin Bacon game. 

Many of the Iranian protesters on Twitter are referring to President Ahmadinejad as a "cockroach".  Well no wonder he wants nuclear weapons.  If there's a war, his species will be the only thing that survives. 

Venus and Serena Williams are poised to face off in the Wimbledon Finals.  Fans are really excited.  In fact, Anna Kournikova plans to stop selling popcorn at the event long enough to watch. 

Braves pitcher Tommy Hanson fought through the flu to beat the Red Sox on Sunday.  His fever was so high, the team doctor diagnosed it as Washington's ERA.