Many Latino-Americans have said they think Barack Obama should include more Hispanics in his administration. Especially since fixing the country is a job most Americans don't want.
It was noted this week that many of the people in Barack Obama's new cabinet are basketball players, including Eric Holder and Susan Rice, who were star players in high school, and General James Jones, who was a forward for Georgetown. They hope that together, they can force Joe Biden to only talk using a 24-second shot clock.
A man in Long Island, who got vanity license plates that read "OBAMA", says that he can't actually put them on his car because people try to steal them. He also noted that when he promises to change the tires, people get upset when he uses old treads from two administrations ago.
Some scientists now say that the hourglass figure is not the best shape for women. Especially if they don't want men to hit on them until last call.
Ford Motor Company CEO Alan Mulally this week asked Congress for a $9 billion line of credit as a financial backstop. Congress replied by commenting on the size of the airbags between his legs.
A spokesperson for Barack Obama denied reports that he was buying Michelle Obama a 30,000 dollar "thank you" ring. He explained that the expensive "thank you" ring has always been reserved for MSNBC.
YouTube announced plans for an online contest in which musicians can submit videos of themselves in hopes of winning a chance to perform at Carnegie Hall. To ensure that YouTube viewers watch the entire clips, each video will end with a guy getting kicked in the nuts.
In its battle against air pollution, Beijing officials said that China has already reached its goal of 256 "blue sky days". The news didn't seem so impressive, however, when they referred to Barack Obama as America's "first blue President".
In searching for the endangered ivory-billed woodpecker, many scientists in Arkansas believe there's only a slim chance that it still exists there. Then again, most people think scientists are extinct in Arkansas, so who knows.
Judges in California will soon decide if prisons there are too overcrowded. They warn that to correct the problem, they may release thousands of inmates . . . or just make Hollywood exempt from DUI laws.
Wide receiver Plaxico Burress was suspended by the New York Giants after firing a bullet into his own leg at a night club. The team went on to say that with his shooting accuracy, he's lucky they didn't trade him to the Knicks.
Madonna said that she had a great time being in Mexico City. It's a good sign you're getting old when you remember hearing that exact same sentence, only with the nouns reversed.
The NFL suspended six players for violating the league's steroid policy. In their defense, they never could view the policy because it was broadcast on the NFL Network.
Texas Tech QB Graham Harrell played with two broken fingers last week. In a similar story, most of Texas exhausted their middle fingers while addressing the BCS.
Michael Vick pleaded guilty to a dog fighting charge in hopes of speeding a return to the NFL. The judge, however, plans to punish Vick with a lengthy probation and a 3-year contract to play in Detroit.
Most of the above are now a part of the National Lampoon Sports Minute, The Complete Sheet, and submitted to Saturday Night Live's Weekend Update.