Hillary Clinton spent time campaigning in Gastonia, NC.  With fuel prices so high, however, she renamed the city "Ethanol-tonia".

Barack Obama held a social gathering at a roller-skating rink in Indiana.  He admits that he may lose some support from local Star Trek fans, because at one point it will be "couples-skate only".

A California man won the right to take his wife's last name.  He will be back in court, however, after Ryan Seacrest sues him for unfairly out-gaying him.

A team of high school students from Santa Monica won the Science Bowl.  If you don't know what the Science Bowl is, it's just like the polygamist ranch in Texas, only without all that fun. 

The governor of Arkansas wants schools to build tornado-safe rooms.  Or as the rest of the world calls them . . . basements.

A 60-pound pit bull was found inside a truck engine.  When asked to comment, Ford Motors said that it wanted to move on from the O.J. Simpson Bronco to a new, upgraded Michael Vick Explorer. 

Television celebrated the 100th episode of "Dancing With the Stars".  Which means it was the 100th time men across America threatened to shoot their wives if they didn't hand them the remote control. 

Six fraternities at San Diego State were suspended in a drug probe . . . 

1. The good news is, they all scored an "A" on their business project. 

2. Cops knew there may be a problem when the frats replaced Greek letters with Robert Downey Jr.'s initials.  

The Pope will send text messages to thousands of young Catholics on National Youth Day.  The message:  "For the love of sweet baby Jesus, turn your phone off during Mass!"

Toyota is raising prices on some of its models this year.  But don't worry, Prius drivers.  You've been saving extra money with that whole "not dating" thing. 

Bill Gates is upset that Yahoo officials didn't take Microsoft up on their latest offer.  So to make himself feel better . . .  he ate their souls. 

A Wisconsin boy who wore a Brett Favre jersey everyday for four straight years has finally taken it off.  So John Madden can stop worrying about his record being broken. 

It is being reported that Myanmar is finally accepting help in the face of massive carnage.  In other news, Amy Winehouse apparently changed her name to Myanmar. 

More and more thieves are stealing construction equipment.  Police became suspicious when Priscilla Presley reported her make-up kit was missing. 

The Olympic flame found its way to the top of Mount Everest.  If it gets any higher, they can pass it off to Snoop Dogg. 

Hackers logged onto an epilepsy forum and posted images that caused migraines and seizures.  Where they got those images of a naked Larry King is anyone's guess.